Upset

"some times, its quite sad to have your actions to be suspicious even if its meant to keep yourself from being in a losing situation. Most of the time is ignorable, but this time it hurts bad."

This is the sentence that got my into brain ever since an incident happened. I know its my fault, I know it wrong to ask. But I'm just trying to avoid any mistakes from happening. If this are lost in between, I have nothing to refer to, nor do I have the proof that I've done things right. If its done wrongly, who am I suppose to go to?

If I have a choice given in the same situation, I would have done the same thing again. Selfish? I don't know. Honestly, I was weighing between my lost and other's. I thought the understanding in between would resolve any conflict, though knowing myself something would happen but I just gave it a shot. Looks like now, its still ended up a bit sour. My situation, I wish some would actually understand a little more in depth, but assumption are more than it is to many. Even so, I would just give a friendly face, and even give a helping hand no matter how deep he/she throws me in a deep pit of trouble or suffers.

No, I'm not pointing fingers to anyone. Its just the same thought that got me sometimes. I've been weighing my self importance to others at times. In today's society, its not wrong to think so, but if others would to do the same thing, they would eventually think differently. Its a cause and effect world out there people say, if you don't do this, you'll get the other. Sometimes, decisions like these spoils relationships and sometimes the mental damage. The funny thing is, I don't even know which to choose, to harm others or to save self?

I've been nagged, scolded when I was a kid, and lectured when I was teenager of the same matter. I was always told that I have a big 'example' in front of my eyes, everyday of what not to do, but in the end I got myself hurt, no one knows of the existence of such problem, others happy, life goes on. Easy isn't it for others? But if it's the other way around, relationships are hurt, things goes bad, things doesn't goes on well. In either ways, I'm hurt.

If one is in my shoes, I'm not surprise if self is given more weigh than others. Reasons? Who wants to be in the giving end? Some may not feel it now, but when time comes you would. Everyone wishes others to understand them, but would those others take the step to understand others first? That's the main question.

Upset as I am now, I do not wish to upset anyone in this post. I'm sorry if I offended anyone in this post.

Long post after a long time away from blogging. Long time to read for readers. and so Long for now. Nites~